October 2, 2019

Breaking news: the boys' dressing room looked so much better than the girls'. They had plants. Whut.

Counselors and the Priest

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Leaving an argument unresolved is extremely difficult to detach from. Pulled into the vacuum of frustration, I felt my breath becoming more and more shallow and constricted. I looked around where I was and I started naming each object that I see. Candle. Snake Plant. My new pot of Monstera because my previous one was dying. Phoenix glass sculpture from our director when we opened the show. The dried bouquet of flowers my very close friends here gave me for my birthday. The African djembe I bought so I could learn playing it but hardly ever had time for it. Polaroids I printed from my phone camera. Books. A pirated book that I got from Taobao called All The Light We Cannot See... I never really got to start reading it because I was so embarrassed to bring it out in public. It looked like a really old phone directory with a blank back cover and a pixelated cover of All The Light We Cannot See..

All the light we cannot see..

All the light I cannot see

Bleeds through the skin that separates you from me

All the love we hope to find

Crowds the heart but deceive the mind

I remember how you worry about the size of your hand

Overlooking just how wide your arms expand

You build high walls, drowning yourself in your noise

But it is in silence where I could really hear your voice

The farther we are from each other,

The more I want to be together

The gaps I wish to fill

And the pauses I desire to kill

Tell me that all is well, so remain and be still.